So, I’m laying in bed last night, scrolling through Pinterest.
How many freaking sentences have I started this way? This could literally be ANY night for the last too many years. I loooove Pinterest. I do. If I were to run away, you would find me on an island -with Pinterest- pinning ideas on how to fix up my beachfront lean-to or make smoothies from whatever native plants I have around me; organic, ya’ll.
Anyways, so there I am scrolling when I come across this pin in my feed that made me actually laugh out loud. I look down and notice it’s a “picked for you” pin. Pinterest really knows me, I think to myself. Pinterest gets it. Pinterest can speak to my soul.
This isn’t the first time I’ve noticed this. I actually have a board titled Picked For Me. I don’t like to flaunt how well Pinterest knows me, but I’ve kept a few faves.
I scroll past two or three funny memes or mermaid pictures, and my smile grows because Pinterest is in love with me and can sense my wants and needs. We would do just fine on that island, me and Pinterest. But then, I see something that makes me squint and get judgy. “Who pins this crap?” I think as my eyes zoom in on what friend I’m about to make fun of in my head.
Picked for You happily meets my gaze. WTF? Why would Pinterest think I would like this? What in the hell could I have typed into the search bar to put this in my feed to make Pinterest think this is an interest or a want? Pinterest, why?!?! I trusted you.
So,OF COURSE, I frantically look at all the “picked for you” shit. Like a girl who notices a “like” from some girl on her BF’s Facebook page and combs through every post, I need to get to the bottom of this nonsense.
I came to find that quite a few pictures in my feed that I totally rolled my eyes at were Picked For Me. Oh… it’s like that now, huh Pinterest? Is this because I was checking out Houzz? Because I did all that debate tweeting?! Because I was subscribing to Youtube channels? It was for work, errr future work!!
As I scrolled through all those pins just for me, I really started to see an evolution in Pinterests passive-aggressive behavior. Maybe I was too close and couldn’t see it before. Maybe I didn’t want to see it. Maybe I never paid enough attention to those pins in my feed and Pinterest got sick of being ignored.
I don’t know exactly when the tides turned, but they did. Can it ever be the same?
In better days, before Pinterest and I got too comfortable. These are both totally my humor. they are something I would for sure Pin myself.
Then there was this one, still really funny. But is that a jab? Are you trying to say something Pinterest?
and then this… Um… yes, I have a big butt, yet I DO NOT have this problem. I Wish I could have this problem.
This one right here… why would you pick a pin about long hair?? I have SHORT hair. I like short hair. as a matter of fact last month I got my hair cut really short. Granted, I looked like Willy Wonka… wait, you ARE trying to tell me something.
This was the last straw. I am pretty sure the one on the left is actually me. And the one on the right is one of your French girls? Is that it Pinterest? Well, screw you. Back fat isn’t that big of a deal.
The actual caption to this one is: 4 Quick Exercises to Get Rid of Underarm Flab and Back Bulge in 3 Weeks – Wow. Real subtle.
Maybe this is a lesson in being humble? Maybe this was to show me I post annoying crap, just like everyone else. Maybe I was asking for this? I feel so betrayed. All those long hours in bed together, planning my whole fake life (like I was ever going to buy half of the nonsense. Or DIY an entire kitchen. Or chalk paint.) You are a fickle friend.
But I just can’t quit you, Pinterest.