The Shit I Hate on Facebook – Winter Catch Up

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Let’s get caught up on all the things that irked me over winter, shall we?

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All things “crack”…

This refers to all the holiday treats, or anytime treats really, that “are like crack” called “crack” or otherwise elude to some sort of crack-ness. I offer up exhibit A (from Pinterest) for your need to know: xmas crack

with the caption “It’s so good and sure does live up to its name cuz this stuff is addicting!”

If you’re not on Pinterest (what do you do with all your free time?!) just google “Christmas Crack” for the 14 million  different recipes.

 

Hmmm… Let’s think about this a moment. Because maybe you don’t know what crack is.  What you’re saying is that this heap of chocolate and peanuts and empty calories will make me drain my bank account, lie to my family, steal, and otherwise turn my life completely upside down from the side effects of a serious addiction to a horrible and deadly drug? Are you saying that if I eat this, I will be found a few days later downtown in a  cardboard lean-to  with dry lips, pimping myself out for “just a few pieces”? Do I need a pipe?

Look, I get the meaning behind it. But can we please stop glorifying drug use. Or at the very least stop overusing the idea of crack? Saying something is like crack shouldn’t be positive. I’ve never tried crack, but from what I’ve seen on The Chappelle Show, crack is wack and I don’t want any part of it so if you show up at my holiday get-together with a tin of this nonsense, I’m going to smack it out of your grip and stage an impromptu intervention.

 

“It’s Merry Christmas not Happy Holidays!!”

What the fuck is this even about? There are some grumpy muthereffers on my Facebook feed, and the HOLIDAYS brings out the worst in them. There was more than one long rant about this topic and “how this is America and if you don’t like it you can leave”  regarding how to properly greet your fellow Americans during the season. Simmer down, ya’ll. Saying Happy Holidays doesn’t make me a commie. Or a Muslim. Or anti- American. As a matter of fact, it doesn’t make me PRO or ANTI anything.

I happen to say Happy Holidays because A) I’m lazy and B) sometimes the person I am addressing (maybe the office paper delivery guy) won’t be at my door again until after the New Year. So, If I say HH, I cover all my bases and he knows I wish him well for the next several weeks. Yes, sometimes I say it because the person I am speaking to is Jewish, or I don’t know what they celebrate. But I don’t say it to include or exclude and group of persons. And honestly who the hell cares what I say? If someone takes the 20 seconds to greet me over the season, I am touched. It’s the gesture that matters, not the celebration. Now, I don’t use Happy Holidays exclusively; I love to say Merry Christmas! But I don’t want some backwards thinking zealot telling me what the appropriate way to spread my cheer is. So Happy Thanksgiving, Festivus, Newtonmas, Christmas, Hanukkah, New Years Eve, New Years Day and whatever else falls in between November whatever to January 3. If you already know “the reason for the season” stop being such a prick.

 

Adults Dissing kids

So there was a nasty article about the First Kids that ran sometime during the last few months. It was stupid. In both content and the brouhaha is started. ICYMI, some GOP staffer made some remarks about the demeanor and dress of the Obama gals. Did it need to be front page, viral news? Maybe not, but I found it absolutely disgusting , not for it’s politics, but for the fact that a grown ass woman was standing in judgement of children. THIS is what is wrong with society. This woman is an adult, why should she concern herself with the goings-on of kiddos? Oh,  because the kids are “important”? Yeah, they may represent the Free World, but they are still just two girls trying to grow up , and they’re doing it in a fishbowl. And sometimes they aren’t going to live up to whatever expectations we put on them.

Sadly this wasn’t an isolated incident. Not only are the Obama girls often thrust into the unflattering spotlight, so are  most celebrity kids. And the comments and captions I read are deplorable. This is one of the reasons I no longer read gossip mags. It’s gross to objectify children that way. You don’t know these kids. They are humans and are entitled to shitty days and tantrums and stained shirts just like the rest of us. These kids aren’t “special” – not in the way society makes them out to be. Why are we so obsessed with other people’s kids anyways?

And it’s happening everyday to regular joe kids on a daily basis. Via social media, adults are taking to bullying children. And so much of this is female on little female hate. WTF?!? I remember what it was like to be an awkward tween, an overdeveloped teen and a mistake making young adult. That shit is hard. Hard enough without some immature 30-something trolling your twitter. Enough of this. If you are an adult, it is your civic obligation to build up the youth of our community. When you engage in the ever-so-easy  virtual shit talking of people you don’t even know, it says more about you than it does about them.

 

People who only have perfect lives or shit lives. No in between

Holy balls!!The amount of people posting their daily affirmations or daily shit storm lately is redic. There are a few people who are one step away from a breakdown, either way you look at it. And they’re on opposite ends of the posting spectrum. They either have the perfect boyfriend/wife/kids job Or the worst girlfriend/husband/kids/job. I’m inundated with what seems like a bipolar newsfeed, either with their status updates or their shares or their memes and gifs. From the not-so-humble brag to the not-so-subtle cry for attention, this ish is getting  on my nerves. Look, we all have great/bad days. I get it. I know I’m super guilty of the overshare, but maybe we should keep the dirty and clean laundry to ourselves and just share our pet pics, food and random mean thoughts? You know, like normal people. You have nothing to prove to any of your “friends”. And really,if you happen to be my age  and you don’t have your shit together by now, it ain’t gonna happen for you. Stop letting all of us know about it.

Overcoming a Struggle

It seems like quite a few people out there in the world are really struggling. And by “struggling”  I mean living a normal life like the rest of us but complaining about it like a bunch of chumps. Yes, there are people out there with real issues. But there are quite a few people out there on “journeys” that just seem like real life to me.

You know what, life is hard. It’s uphill quite a bit. Being a grown up was oversold to us as kids. You can’t really be anything you want to be. We all have limits. We all fall. We all make mistakes. We are all a little broken. Not a one of us is perfect. Get over it. Traffic is not a struggle. Wanting more but not putting in the effort is not a struggle. Having a douchebag significant other is not a struggle. Having to be a parent is not a struggle. A broken iPhone is not a struggle. Stop selling your unhappiness to the the rest of us as your “journey”.

You know who has a legit struggle? The neighbor with cancer. A family who has lost their mother. A single parent who works two jobs to feed his kids.

Journey that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Shit I Hate on Facebook…October Edition

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Yep, it’s a trend now. Speaking of trending…

 

 

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Ebola.

October was definitely the month of Ebola. And super annoying Ebola posts. And “shares”. And total hysteria. Because nothing works better to spread false facts and “information” like social media. I’ve rolled my eyes so much in the last few weeks, I was starting to believe my Grandma’s old warning that they really would stick like that.

Look, don’t get me wrong… I am well aware of the seriousness of Ebola. But we don’t live in a third world country. We have access to the simplest of things, such as clean drinking water and soap. We can wash our hands and spray Lysol everywhere. We are also a society of hermits in the making, barely leaving our houses and doing our best to avoid the neighbors. The odds of you actually “catching” anything are pretty limited. Use some hand sanitizer and  a wet wipe on your Target shopping cart. Avoid people who are vomiting, which is a general life rule anyways. Don’t make out with people who recently traveled to and from Western Africa. Boom.

And please, for the love of God, do not get all of your world news from the freaking Facebook. Or Fox news. Or TMZ. Don’t post about zombies, or that everyone on the metro was infected from someones sneeze. Don’t share random stories about Ebola spreading by watching someone blink or drink a Pumpkin Spice latte. Don’t curse and shake your fists because the POTUS didn’t  act fast enough to stop all air travel/hopital mistakes/stupid decisions made by individuals. Seriously. Instead of pointing fingers, why don’t you do your part and not engage in the spreading of mass hysteria?

I was in a meeting about mid month, and someone made the comment about having had a stomach bug that hit the whole house. I jokingly said “glad it wasn’t ebola!” and we laughed…  hahahahaha… we’re soooo funny. The woman sitting a few seats down (total Debbie Downer known for her lack of sense of humor and common sense) immediately chastised Stomach Bug for risking the health of everyone in the room by coming into this meeting.She also stated (clearly referring to me) that mass US deaths was nothing to joke about (ummm, did I miss something?). I would not be surprised if she left then meeting, took her entire family to the ER ,demanded to be screened and had her house tented, fumigation style. She also posted several “facts’ about the spread of Ebola on her Facebook page.  These people.

 

The Neighborhood Facebook page

Ahhhh… that information portal into the goings on of my neighborhood. It’s like Grand Whiners Central Station. I know I’ve brought this up before. because it’s in my news feed Every.Damn.Hour. Why don’t I just block it? Because then what would I have to complain about/laugh at?!?

This month there was a particularly vexing thread about an incessant barking dog. Heck, that is annoying!! I’ve been woken up by a barker and had to close my window a few times after a close-by pooch decided to go on a howling or yapping spree. It’s totally worth venting about.

However, this pooch in question had the audacity to bark non-stop at…wait for it… 8am. On Like a Tuesday.  And the poster was angry it woke her up, but was in fear of the dog also waking  up her kiddo. Dude… your wee little is still peacefully snoozing at 8freakinAM?!?!? My kids were literally in the double digits before that shit ever happened. And YOU are still sleeping?? What time do you go to bed?!?! Like 3 in the morning?

So the poster of this annoyance totally said she realized it was “first world issues”, but that, nonetheless, a  constant barking dog is annoying. Yeah… that’s true. But it’s the day time. The real day time. And dogs have a tendency to bark.

Of course, this started the mob mentality where everybody had to chime in about the legalities and neighborliness of dog ownership. and you know what, that’s totally acceptable also. I despise mob mentality or pack opinions, but it’s just a way of life on this particular page. It started with annoying barking dogs, and graduated to ‘hood annoyance in general.

But then someone posted about motorcycles. Specifically about how loud they are. MORE specifically about how this one woman in particular thinks those who ride loud motorcycle shouldn’t be able to start their bikes until after a certain time. She stated she has even been awoken as early as 4:30A.M. by this nuisance.

Now, I rarely post anything (response or otherwise engage) on these threads, because I know it will turn ugly. But this one made me leave my computer. I mean, say what?

My first thought was, If some poor soul is starting his bike up at 4:30 am, that means he most likely got up an hour earlier to get ready to go to wherever he’s going (work,school or the gym). That guy needs a salute. OK, I’m lying. My real first thought was shutthefuckup. And then I wondered, did this person sleep in her garage? I can’t hear jack crap at 4:30A.M. because I’m asleep. TGILW rides, and I have slept soundly through many mornings of him starting up and heading out before the crack of dawn and we sleep with a window open.

And on another note – what if this guy’s only mode of transportation is his bike. TGILW doesn’t have a secondary vehicle. We own one car, one motorcycle and 4 bicycles (for each member of the family). We also have a rip-stick and 2 pairs of roller skates if you want to get real. But his transportation is his motorcycle and he rides rain or shine.

How dare this guy start his freaking bike, to get to work, in the early early morning. While we’re complain about people being sooooooo inconsiderate, let’s discuss the kids who yell to their friends on their way to school! Hush now little children… no chatting, you might disrupt someone’s precious quiet coffee time. That douchebag with the diesel engine… I mean have you heard the thunderous roar from those trucks? Aggggghhhhh… my freakin’ ears!!! And that muthereffing guy with the leaf blower… you,sir, are blowing that thing loud ON PURPOSE, I know it.

All of those assholes going about their daily lives, being super loud and noisy just to wake up me, my lazy kid and the rest of the world-revolves-around-me population, thanks for ruining our I-got-nothing-going-on-mornings with your getting stuff done.

 

Thanks for reading this months The Shit I Hate on Facebook… don’t forget to LIKE me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/themanicmilitarywife

 

 

The Shit I Hate on Facebook… September edition

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I was supposed to get up and run (Jog. Slowly jog) this morning but as I was lying in bed “reading” the Facebook and what passes for news these days I came across some bullshit that needed addressing. Because it’s irritating and I need to vent, thus kicking off this months  installment of…

The Shit I Hate on Facebook  (working title)

I’m writing this in word, as my internetz are down and I can’t access my dotcom. Not only is this super annoying, it’s super nostalgic, as I haven’t done any writing this way in years. YEARS. This could also get long, since for some reason I have unlimited access to Facebook (that Zuck is ruling the world as we speak) and things that piss me off , but I’m gonna try to keep to the three topics from this morning.

The Clooney Wedding.

I don’t give a fuck. Why do YOU give a fuck? Why does anyone give a fuck!? This isn’t real news. I don’t even find it all that entertaining. Ok, one blast from every media source in the galaxy reporting that the “world’s most eligible bachelor” has finally settled down is fine; totally acceptable, even. But it’s been showing up on my Facebook feed for like DAYS. Enough! Stop “liking” this shit, people. Stop “sharing” what’s-her-names dress.  Stop fueling this nonsense.

First of all, we’re celebrating (or mourning) the fact that this man is… what? Um… deciding to fuck just one person for the next several months/years like the rest of us? Hey, high five there buddy!! Also, while I agree that Clooney is one hell of a fine looking gentleman, and I will watch me some Clooney films just because he’s in them, doesn’t anyone else find it a little creeper-y that he’s been such a player into (ahem) middle age? I mean, it’s not like he was in one long term relationship for 10 years and just never tied the knot. He seems to be on the cover of like every entertainment rag with a new lady friend every time I’m in Target.  I’m in Target a lot.

Now, I’m not saying we all have to follow the societal norms of : go to college-get married-have kids, but I do personally believe that if a man (or a lady) isn’t married by a certain age, not only is it choice, it’s a sign. Call it a harbinger, either good or bad. Bachelors are that way for a reason.

Honestly, thought, at the end of the day, I just don’t care. Mazel Tov, Mr. and Mrs. Clooney. Now let’s let them live happily ever after on a private Italian villa OFF my newsfeed.

The Chelsea Clinton baby 

Wow. Little Chelsea Clinton had a baby?!? No. 34 Year old Chelsea Clinton had a baby. You know who else had a baby? My lesbian friend , the lady who lives across the alley, and about 3 million other women.

Why is Chelsea Clinton or her baby relevant? Because this makes Hillary Clinton a Gram-Gram and the media feels this weakens or strengthens her ability to rule the free world? Because the high society dames are below quota fro baby making this quarter? Because no one wants to talk about ISIS or Ebola?

I find this as relevant as the Clooney Wedding, only with Clooney, I understand the draw, he’s a celebrity and people neeeeeeeed to know everything about celebrities. But Chelsea is the now-adult child of an EX-POTUS. Let her be normal. She IS normal. And NORMAL people have babies. Or they don’t. Either way, it doesn’t need a week of press play.

The Obama Salute

Fuck my fucking life with this shit. He saluted with a coffee cup in his hand, It happened. He can’t get into his time machine and go back and undo it. Was it shitty? Yeah. It was ,IMO, disrespectful. But it wasn’t sooooo terrible a thing that it needs to STILL be congesting my Facebook feed with the Pro and Con Obama-ers. It’s not the douchiest thing he’s done. It’s not even the douchiest thing any Prez has done (blowies in the oval office? Going to war based on nonsense?, Watergate?)  If I had a quarter for every time my husband gave a half salute going through a gate I’d be getting a weekly spa treatment instead of venting about this bullshit. Yes, it pisses me off when he does it, but those guys don’t go home and cry into their soup.

You know what was worse than the CONSTANT post of the Obama salute? The muthereffing G-Dub dog salute. Good Gawd people.

Stop. Let it go already. Seriously.

And on that note. let’s just address being a political bully in general on Facebook. I know this has come up a hundred times on my blog, but since so many people are still doing it, I’m going to talk about it again.

Calling someone else stupid doesn’t make you smart (THIS should be the title of my Blog). So, saying that the Liberals are cool and the GOP drools doesn’t do your cause, whatever it may be, any good. And saying it on Facebook All.The.Time doesn’t make me like you, your opinions OR your “side”. I don’t think politics, religion, babymamadrama or daddyissues should be in my feed EVER, but if you must, do it with class. You can say something positive without following it with a negative. And learn when to acknowledge when YOU’RE WRONG. And learn when to complement the other guy.Or, be a close minded asshole. We live in a free country. Just stop doing it over and over and over and over again on Facebook.

 

And make sure to follow me at https://www.facebook.com/themanicmilitarywife for your sometimes daily dose of stupid memes, eratic behavior and verbal diarrhea .

Shutthefuckupcakes

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2:07:41

 

Yes. That’s the title I picked. Real mature, right? I don’t even care, I’m so disgusted today. I really should rename this blog ” The Annoying Shit I Read on Facebook”  because I swear to Christ it irritates me daily. I have no one to blame but myself, seeing as Facebook is in no way required reading. And as an adult you’d think I would know how to steer clear of bullshit that makes me roll my eyes so hard I fear they may just stay stuck like that, just as my grandmother always warned. But no. Lucky for you I have a blog where I can rant instead of putting it on a public social media forum. Heh heh…

So I’m on Facebook dooin’ some bidness when I am inundated with a grip of updates regarding this thread I had been stupid enough to comment on. It was more of a question than a comment, but ipso fatso I was being kept in the loop. Ohhhhhh the loop. Fuck my life with the loops. You see, the neighborhood I live in has it’s own Facebook page. Actually it has two. Well, it has two “neighborhood” pages and several other associated pages. It also has an “official” page run by the property management company. I’ve given myself a headache just explaining this. So, the pages are usually pretty normal shit, like lost dogs, found dogs, free this or that and general questions about the neighborhood. But soooooome of them are total vent fests. Did I mention this is a military housing neighborhood? Yeah. It get’s stupid. Real quick.

So for the past several months I’ve noticed the obligatory complaints about how long repairs take or how slow the maintenance team is or how “cheap” the innards of the housing are. Granted this ain’t no Shangri La, but it’s a far stretch from the 8 mile so many people seem to make it out to be. In all honesty, I think our housing is pretty nice. Do we have some wasted space or some weird floorplans? Sure.  But we have some cool amenities to go along with living a mile from door to beach, less than two miles from downtown and less than 3 from Famous Cannery Row. All walkable. It’s quiet, it’s relatively safe and it has some pretty nice green space. I have definitely lived in worse. So I usually turn a blind rolled eye to the bitching about the  silly things and chalk it up to personality. But that was until this social media war of words started and interrupted  my morning Facebook stalking with a constant barrage of notification chimes. About lawn maintenance of all things.

We have lawn service, weekly I believe. They mow our front lawns, and most common areas like the two (or more?) large fields, play areas, etc. We DO NOT have service for any backyards or other fenced area. And apparently spaces between houses, behind houses and unoccupied houses don’t get touched, or so I discovered on the housing page. Where a great debate is taking place about it. In great detail. And people are “enraged”. That is a direct quote. Yep, it’s true… there are some pretty overgrown areas. I’m not denying that in any way. There are quite a few areas that fall under “common” ,like spaces between houses that are in need of a good trim both because they’re an eyesore and because they can attract and harbor wild animals. But, apparently there is this “who’s job is it” argument happening between the property management company ,the military wives of  the Facebook neighborhood page and some of the more entitled  or emasculated husbands. The back and forth has been going on for weeks. WEEKS. And there is now talk of a petition. For shits sake. It’s overgrown grass, not a septic tank leak. Throw down the torches and pitchforks people.

I pretty much stopped paying attention up until  someone had the lady huevos to proclaim something along the lines of ” for what we pay to live here…”. I loathe that statement. I really, really do. Why? Because living on post is a privilege, first of all. It is no way mandatory. What the hell is wrong with you if you think post housing is beneath you? Also, your BAH and the amount thereof is based on civilian quarters in your area, and even though most government housing is now privatized, it is still a government contract. BAH is also a generous  perk of military life. If you don’t want to “pay” top BAH to live in housing, take your happy ass out in town and get 1/2 as much space for the same amount (here in CA) without the added bonus of a local shoppette, community center, school, gym, pool, dog parks, walking trails, and yes, lawn service. And truth be told, you aren’t PAYING anything!! You have forfeited the money  that the military was going to pay you to live  out in town. Willingly. It’s a wash.

Really, what pisses me off more is this fucking mob mentality and how it turns a small irritation into the plague. The sense of entitlement is ridiculous, but using a public forum to announce your outrage to your neighbors is just so… immature. Yeah, I said it. It’s a fucking temper tantrum and I find it embarrassing. It’s like a new epidemic these spouses turning to social media to badmouth the hand that feeds them like spoiled children, when they feel they have been in any way wronged. And there is always that one wife who makes it her personal mission to  crusade against the wrongs committed against her and her fellow whiners. Pretty please eat the delish shutthefuckupcakes I have prepared for you.

Military wives in particular already have a reputation for being busy-bodies who sit around all day a la Gladys Kravitz waiting for something to be flabbergasted by. The stereotype has become so common that it’s blatantly acted out regularly…in public.  We have become a caricature  of ourselves. Gone is the  dutiful military wife, with her rolled up sleeves, ready to jump in and help her country. She has been replaced by the “dependapotamus”* (holy balls that word was in my auto-correct. I shit you not), who has zero sense of community, graciousness or self control.  And THAT is the representation of the whole, regardless of the actuality.  Where is the sense of pride? Where is the sense of self reliance? Where is the common sense? Don’t badmouth. Period. Well, unless you’re me, and you have this blog to be passive aggressive about the lawn Nazi’s in your ‘hood.

Can I be candid for a moment here? We are all facing the potential of life altering changes via the military downsizing.  And THIS is what my neighborhood picks to go cuckoo about? I mean really… in the grand scheme of things, does an overgrown weed patch seem as important as your family’s livelihood? Because if it comes down to budget, I’d rather they cut cutting the weeds. I like where I live. I like our life. Dare I say, I LOVE the military lifestyle? And if these albatrosses don’t shut their soup coolers and start showing some gratitude in the form of self filtering we are all going to be pay the price.

 

* I hate this word and I avoid it. I actually deleted and retyped it several times before I just went with it. I would rather use “See You Next Tuesday” than this word, and I feel like “See You Next Tuesday” is one of the flithiest words in the English language. I feel ashamed for giving it any momentum, but it is what it is.

E Pluribus Unum, bitches

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I rarely jump on the bandwagon over here, but to keep from fueling the FB and Twitter wars, I decided I would do a rant here. Afterall, it’s my Blog. I rule the roost  here.

As many of you know, and probably took part in, there is some sort of social media war going on about the Coke commercial. You know the one I’m talking about. But incase you don’t it’s HERE. I need to address a few issues with this before I start ranting.

1) This song isn’t the National Anthem. THIS IS. The song we all heard and some people have gone apeshit over is actually titled  ” America the Beautiful”.

2) In the United States of America, English is the national language. Not “American”.

****EDIT— do to some very passionate opinions on the matter, I have added this juicy bit of info. While my statement was meant to be general, I know when to admit when I’m wrong. The facts is the facts.****

 There is no “official” language for the United States, although some individual states list English as their official language. If you would like the United States or your state to adopt an official language, you should contact your elected officials.

3) Jesus wasn’t white. Or from the United States of America. Or from North America. He wasn’t even from the generic America that people use to describe one-third of a geographical area.

4) As the name suggest, I AM a Military wife. A proud one.  So don’t even go there.

With that being said, holy shit balls people. The amount of racism I have read over the last few days has been embarrassing. No where in this ad is it acknowledged that these foreign language speakers don’t actually know/speak English. It is a song, sung in the many languages that make up the cultural diversity of the good ‘ole USofA. Why would we assume they aren’t Americans?  Since when has knowing or speaking a foreign language equaled terrorism or un-intelligence? Since when does that make someone unpatriotic? Since when has keeping roots in your culture mean you’re un-American? Since Super Bowl Sunday, I guess.

Let me interject on one of my favorite remarks about speaking English: It’s what our country was founded on.

Ummm…

I’m not going to get into the territory of the the well-known-but-shoved-under-the-rug fact that this country was actually already populated with peoples, who had their own languages, well before colonization happened. Let’s fast forward to the European colonization. There are more countries in Europe other than England (or the UK) that colonized. No, it’s true. I Googled it. I even read other sites besides Wikipedia. I know that’s not what High School history really taught us, but I think this might be a real thing. But to spare you a boring history lessons, let me just ask you one question: Do you speak The Queens English? No? Then shut the fuck up. Because THAT’S what the white, English  European settler spoke. THAT’S the original “official language” that you’re talking about. What we speak today, is a bastardization of that English. And also Dutch, French, Spanish and  Norse.

The USA is the only superpower that doesn’t put an emphasis on knowing more than one language. Why? Because if you know another language you are dumb. Obviously. What idiot learns a foreign language?! Pshhhh.

I saw a few statements claiming this commercial was also anti-Christian. I don’t know if it was the gay couple thing or because so many people assume if you speak a language other than “American” you must be a heathen. I’ve already pointed out that Jesus Christ, the person who Christianity was founded from, isn’t actually from around here. He didn’t speak “American” despite what all those movies about his life might have led you to believe. There’s actually a whole book about it.  He actually came from an area that I’ve heard one too many Christians say we should just ” turn into a glass factory” or “nuke the shit out of”.  I mean, WWJD?  And I’m pretty sure he’d feel a little disrespected if his hometown wasn’t represented during a gabillion dollar ad slot.  Also, are people still going batshit crazy about gays? I mean really? Man, you put gays in super bowl ads and the next thing you know they’ll be voting.

Now, the one thing I can get behind is this whole “boycott coke” movement. Actually, I already pretty much do. Not because I see them as un-American, but because I see them as a poison. Literally. It’s already been proven that cola beverages in general should not be consumed by humans. The health effects are numerous.  But the company itself is a huge conglomerate that has known lobbyists ties to garner  self serving advantages. Its a multi mega-millions company that has it’s hands in more countries that most people can find on a map. So if you want to really stick it to the man, go for it, but be aware of the other products you’ll need to give up as well. Because they own plenty and if you really think giving up a sixer-a-day habit of soda is going to put a dent in their earnings, you must be speaking not English.

And how can you claim to be All-American and not know the difference between  patriotic songs and the mothereffing ANTHEM of our great nation? It’s played at the start of like every known popular AMERICAN sporting event. And on that note, since when is it a bad thing for people other than Americans to think America is beautiful? It’s the land of opportunity. It’s where many of our great grandparents, passed through Ellis Island, got deloused, and started a better life for themselves because living in the slums of New York was a better deal than living in the oppression of wherever they came from. Or our grandparents came to work their fingers to the bone to build up a post war nation. Or our mothers and fathers come to make a better life for their children. And if you really think for one fucking minute that they didn’t bring their CULTURE and LANGUAGE with them and weave it into the tapestry that is AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL than you are an embarrassment to your country. THIS ONE.

co·ca
noun
noun: coca; plural noun: cocas 
a tropical American shrub that is widely grown for its leaves, which are the source of cocaine.
  • the dried leaves of the coca plant, which are mixed with lime and chewed as a stimulant by the indigenous people of western South America.

cola

    • noun
      noun: cola; plural noun: colas; noun: kola; plural noun: kolas
      1. 1.
        a brown carbonated drink that is flavored with an extract of cola nuts, or with a similar flavoring.
      2. 2. a small evergreen African tree that is cultivated in the tropics for its seeds (cola nuts).

      Holy what the fuck? This American institution has it roots in Latin America and Africa? I.Can’t. Beleive. It. But i’m getting off track, as this isn’t really about the product but what the song used in the products ad stands for, right?

E Pluribus Unum

great seal

That’s Latin. It’s on the Great Seal of the United States. And on our currency.

From many, one.  We are one great nation of many people.  And that song represents that in any language.

Coexist

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I had planned on spending the morning ranting. I’m sick of hearing about equality, rights, opinions, hate, intolerance and just plane old lack of common sense.  I wanted to write about how EVERYTHING is pissing me off lately. I thought calling people out for being total asshats would serve a higher purpose. But then I realized, I would be part of the problem. I would be fueling the douche train. The world needs less anger today.

There is this sticker. It simply says COEXIST. I hate it. When I see it on a car (usually a Prius) it makes me insane angry. Why? Because I’m a cynical asshole. But also, because these are all completely different faiths, who fundamentally feels each and every other religion is an abomination. I also hate the fact that people don’t realize that by asking these different beliefs to “coexist” is asking them to go against their deep convictions to adhere to the peaceful urgings of a bumper sticker and to satisfy a selfish need. You, bumper sticker haver, are asking THEM to BE LIKE YOU.

coexist

But then, after reading thread after thread of hate I realized maybe this stupid sticker was right. I look at it now with Cindy Lou Who eyes. Seeing that there might be more to its annoying exterior. If I take away the symbols and the shock value, the message is pretty clear. What it actually says is “TOLERANCE”.

So today, instead of rolling my eyes, or fighting the urge to comment on someone else’s opinion, I will simply be tolerant. I won’t read things on social media that I know will make me cuckoo. I won’t discuss the ignorance of others, as we all have the right to be ignorant.

I will spread holiday cheer. I will say Merry Christmas. I will also say Happy Holidays. I will wear a smile. I will give praise and thanks. I will encourage those around me to do the same. I will take deep breaths and be patient. I will be happy. I will appreciate that what I have is enough. I won’t concern myself with the ramblings of others.

It’s Christmas time. This is the time of year to reflect, to acknowledge, to give. To pay it forward. To give a hug to someone you normally wouldn’t. To be better. To say I love you.

Be kind and gentle to each other sweet readers. And have a Merry Christmas.

 

 

 

 

 

Why I Don’t Hate “Fit Mom”

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I’m sure most of my sweet readers have heard about this Fit Mom lady. Apparently people, mostly overweight , are all up in arms about her “shaming” and “bullying” heavier, less fit women by posting some pictures and ads of herself with inspirational (read by other as: mean) captions. Then, last week she was apparently banned from Facebook (which is a huge deal, I guess?)  for making negative comments (or “hate speech”) about Curvy Girl lingerie’s  “real women” ad campaign that asked plus size customers to post selfies wearing the companies lingerie. Watch that segment HERE.

And then I ran across THIS link. This selfie started  blogger pandemonium as well, with ladies from around the globe proclaiming this was “a war on women.”

Enough.

First off, let me point out to those sweet readers who don’t actually KNOW me,  that I’m fat. I’m not saying that in a skinny-but-just-ate-a-large-burger-and-fries-meal-and-now-I-have-a-food-baby sort of way, either. Nor am I saying it to garner attention from family to say  “you’re not fat, you’re chubby”. I’m not bloated, or too short for my weight. I am a fat girl. My weight is at an unhealthy high. I am on the borderline of obesity. And I didn’t get this information from Cosmo.

Why am I fat? Because I take in more energy then I put out. My portions sizes are too large, and I consume more sugar than is healthy for a third world country. I was not shamed into being fat because a skinny woman made fun of me, as some people would claim happens. I am fat because I made poor choices.

So, as a fat girl, why would I choose not to hate these skinny bitches? Well, first I don’t think they’re actually “skinny bitches”. Don’t get me wrong, the legs on Caroline Berg Eriksen make me cringe with jealousy, but not because she makes me short, or that she makes me feel bad for being short. And Maria Kang and her abs are pretty irritating, especially after three babies, but her flat abs aren’t making my abs flabby. And their attitudes aren’t really mean spirited, either.

Here’s the thing: When did we become a society of blamers and excuse makers? And when did “bullying” become a term we use for WHENEVER our feelings get hurt? And when did being proud of your own accomplishments turn into “shaming” anyone else who didn’t accomplish the thing you did?

It’s no big secret that women are brutal to each other. It’s starts at about preschool and ends sometime after death. We’re vicious and cruel, intentionally. Why is this? Because we have self doubt and insecurities and that manifests into pure maniacal lady on lady meanness. But let me share something… it doesn’t have to be that way. We could agree that we’re all perfect the way we are, being imperfect. But that will never fucking happen, because there will always be that one lady who has to cry fowl.

Hear me now, ladies (and gents); If you , as an adult, feel shamed or bullied by someone else’s actions maybe the thing you are feeling ashamed  of or bullied about is true.

What?!?! Is the manic military wife condoning bullying and shaming?!? NO, of course not. What I’m saying is, we’ve gone too far.

If “fit mom’s” ad with her toned body and flat abs and message of “what’s your excuse” really made you feel bad, the DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! And I don’t mean take to social media to call her a terrible person (how is that not bullying or shaming, if we go by the new definition?) If you feel she was talking to YOU then maybe YOU need to add some cardio to your daily activities? Not once have I read anywhere where any of these skinny/fit/thinner-than-me ladies said directly, ” Manic Military Wife, you are fat and disgusting and need to put down the Cheetos and go for a run”. So why do all these “thin shamers” feel that these messages of being more fit or just plain skinny applies to them?

Here’s something else we’re avoiding. Let’s call it the elephant in the room. No, really… let’s. One third of American adults is obese. Childhood obesity is rising exponentially every year.  Obesity in America is now considered an epidemic, This is more than a vanity issue. This is about health. Your health. The health of our kids. It’s also about the health of our wallets.  The American Heart Associations estimates $46 billion in direct medical costs from adolescent obesity. Who’s paying for that? And since when has stating a FACT become bullying or shaming? Is it because a slender, attractive , health conscious woman did it? Are any of you upset about me, a tubster, talking about it?

The scary thing is, it’s a choice to be fat. Yes, it is. I don’t want to hear excuses. It is absolutely a choice. Are there underlying medical factors that have to do with weight issues? Absolutely. Is that the majority? No effing way. If you chose to be unhealthy, own it. If you are overweight, but completely happy with your life, lifestyle and even the way you look (yeah I went there), then kudos to you! Seriously. No one is saying you have to look like ANY of the despised moms in any of the mentioned articles to be happy. But happy doesn’t equal healthy.

And we live in this society that is making obesity something to be celebrated and being fit  something to be vilified. It’s just a ridiculous way of thinking. We have an obligation to our kids, our spouses and our loved ones to lead healthy lives for longevity. We have an obligation to educate our kids to make healthy lifestyle choices, because a 4 year old doesn’t really know the nutritional difference between and apple and a hot pocket.

Also, being an asshole is  not the same thing as being a bully. I have heard that term thrown around way too much lately. Bullying is repetitive intimidation. A kid who gets his lunch money taken every day, or the girl who gets made fun of for being different, those are examples of bullying. Telling a fat person they don’t need to eat another brownie is mean. It isn’t bullying.  Being honest about what healthy should look like isn’t bullying either.

And for fucks sake, adults, stop letting others/the media/society/porn/ whatever dictate your worth. Or your self esteem. We should all realize by now that what we see on a magazine isn’t real. And why are we even looking at that shit anyways? If you are picking up US WEEKLY PEOPLE and wishing you looked like insert random celebrity here, YOU are the problem. Don’t drink the Kool Aid. Celebrities wake up with bags under their eyes and mousy, frizzy hair too. But then,  just like any of us normal people do if we’re going to see an ex (BF, BFF, Co-worker) they put on their spanks and fake face. That’s what you see in mags.  We worship this ideal of youth, but then complain about how its shaming us. We buy (literally) into the vanity, until one of us regular peeps tells us it’s attainable. Then we get offended, and claim she’s a hater, a bully. A shamer.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”  – Eleanor Rooselvelt.

I am a huge proponent for  having a positive body image. I think women should feel good about themselves inside and out. I don’t think it’s OK to bully or shame. But I do think it’s time we, as a nation, started taking responsibility for our own health and happiness. I don’t think projecting an unhealthy lifestyle is a responsible things to do.

Do I agree with Fit Mom’s approach? Meh… it doesn’t  bother me, but I can see where some would find it pretentious. And I don’t think that the average woman needs to look like her. I know plenty of skinny minnies who aren’t the least bit fit or healthy. And I know plenty of heavier people who work out regularly. Genetically, we are all different. But I do agree with her message, and that is that being fit is healthier for us individually and as a nation, and that ignoring or glamorizing obesity is a slippery slope. I also agree that we should strive to be better, a work in progress, daily.

I don’t hate Fit Mom, but do other people hate her (or those like her) because she’s attractive or because she’s right?